It Was Supposed to Be You

“And you’ve got no idea I’m drowning
Mind is racing, heart is pounding
Is today the day I walk away?
Maybe I can hurt forever if it keeps you happy
‘Cause there are days I think we’ll be alright
But I can’t keep pouring from a cup so empty
Then turn my back and try to sleep at night…”

I can’t even say that from the moment I met you, I knew it was going to be you. I had no idea that you eventually were going to be my end game. Truthfully, you terrified me. You were everything that I knew I wanted and everything I didn’t know I needed. And when I told you good things just don’t have a history of lasting in my life. You showed me different. You showed me that good things do last… until they don’t.

But when I knew, man, I knew it was you. You were my happily ever after. Which is why I fought time and time again for you. For us. It’s why we always came back to each other. It’s why neither of us could ever truly let go even when we tried so hard. We always found each other again.

This last time though. It felt different. You felt different. I felt different. And that’s when it hit me, you are, without a shadow of a doubt, my person. My forever. My happily ever after. It wasn’t all rainbows. But we didn’t seem to fight against each other as much, instead, we started fighting for each other. We felt different. We grew separately in our time apart, and when we came together this time, it felt like we grew in our relationship. We felt so right to me… until it didn’t.

Until we both started pulling away. Until our outside lives, the parts that weren’t intwined, became too much to bear. We felt so right until we stopped talking, until we stopped kissing. There was a shift, and we changed again, we both shut down.

So, you told me to walk away… and I did.

I didn’t feel very much when I first walked away. Numb probably. This song and dance hurt me so much the first time, I couldn’t let myself feel that again. It may have taken a few weeks, but it has hit me now. And boy did it hit hard.

I walked away from someone who I was so sure was my forever. We can’t get anywhere when we shut down though. I’m still unsure what was fully going through your mind when you told me to walk away. Hell, I’m unsure what was going through my mind when I decided to listen to you. But I did. I walked away. And you let me. I was so sure it was supposed to be you. But I guess it wasn’t.