I love being a mom. I love my girls more than anything. My parents used to say that they weren’t handed a manual when my sisters and I were born. And I too, wasn’t handed a manual when I had my girls. So when my oldest starts acting exactly as I did as a child, I decide to adapt some of my parents techniques that worked with me many years ago.
Payton, my oldest (who will be 7 in May), was an only child for 5 1/2 years. She didn’t have to share toys, or the attention of Momma and Daddy; or anyone else for that matter.
Recently she has been showing signs of being greedy. Around the holidays, her birthday, or anything where she could receive a gift, she’s had an attitude and makes it known to me. Saying things like, “that’s it?”, after receiving gifts. Wanting more, but not understanding that she should be grateful for what she was given. When this happened recently, with Valentine’s Day, I was devastated. My Grandma had mailed up Valentine’s Day gifts for the family. Payton and I opened the package together, I read the card, and showed her what was in the package. There was some candy to share amongst all of us and a new calendar that is very special to me. Instead of Payton being happy with what we had all gotten, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, “That’s it? Nothing else?” My heart instantly broke. I was so frustrated by her questions. How could one child be so ungrateful? It was Valentine’s Day, no one had to get her or any of us anything at all. But my Grandma was thoughtful enough, and loved and cared for us enough to send a gift. A gift that made me smile. And here is Payton, so ungrateful for the gift not being more than what it was.
So how do you, as a parent handle these comments? Do you have anything that you say or do to make a young child understand?
When I was younger, maybe eight or so, I made a comment to a friend of mine who was coming to my birthday. A comment that my parents were NOT proud of what so ever. I had told my friend to not forget my birthday gift. As a child, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what I had said. However as an adult, I am ashamed that this was something I had ever said.
My parents handled this in a way that, to this day, I am thankful for! I had to call all of my friends and tell them to bring unwrapped gifts because I would be donating ALL of my birthday gifts that year to local charities and/or shelters so that other kids could get presents for Christmas. (To make this less confusing, my birthday is in December.) As a child, this sucked. I had to give away all of my gifts because I made a very selfish comment. This hardly seemed fair to me. As an adult, I totally understand why my parents had this be my punishment.
So when it comes to Payton, my first instinct says to not get her any gifts at all. Any child who is going to act like a brat, be selfish, and make disrespectful comments like, “that’s it?”, doesn’t deserve a gift in my mind. And you can bet that I told her just that. But the more I thought about it after the fact, the more I thought about what my parents had done when I was a child. Giving my gifts to the less fortunate to remind me to be grateful for all that I do have. Now that is a great idea!
So my husband and I sat down with Payton and let her know that although this was not the first time we were having this conversation with her, it would be the last. She didn’t need to act like she was entitled to anything; because she isn’t. And that is exactly how she was acting.
Hopefully that talk sunk in to her head. I’d rather not have to take gifts from her in the future. But only time will tell with that one.
Beautifully Chaotic 