“Rolled out of bed, almost broke my neck.
Well I just laughed, ’cause I stepped on Barbie’s head.
It ain’t the first time, and it’s gonna happen again.
But I’m okay with the world I live in…
Man, I love the color pink.”
Glitter, bows, tutus, baby dolls and more. That is what I see when I look around my home. I also see the smiles on my girls faces, and hear their infectious giggles. The bond they have already formed with each other is truly wonderful.
When God blessed my husband and I with Payton, I was over the moon with excitement. I had always envisioned myself as a mother. We were barely a week in to our new, one bedroom apartment, when I had found out that I was pregnant. My husband and I hadn’t even been dating a year yet, but we knew that this pregnancy was exactly what God had planned for us. Sure, we were a little scared of what was to come. The changes in our routine, midnight feedings, lack of sleep. But we also knew how wonderful it was going to be to watch this little person, half me half my husband, learn, change and grow up to be this strong smart lady.
Being her Momma saved me. I’ve struggled with so much in my life and often questioned why I was here on this earth. But when Payton was born, I suddenly knew. I was here to be her Momma. To be her guide and strength; I was here to be her hero. But little does she know, she’s my hero.
My husband and I pretty much started trying for another baby right away. We just knew our family was supposed to be more than just the three of us, and we wanted Payton to be a big sister. Days, week, and months went by and me getting pregnant just was not happening. So we decided to take a break. Maybe it wasn’t our time to have another sweet little love running around yet. Which actually made a lot of sense because I was having some unexplained problems with my reproductive system anyway.
Fast forward to 2014. We decided it was time to try again for another baby. This time I wanted to make sure there was nothing stopping us from getting pregnant, so I made an appointment with my OBGYN to get everything checked out. Low and behold, I did have something that was going to make getting pregnant very difficult. I had been experiencing a lot of pain, almost like cramping, but also stabbing feelings too. I had a lot of breakthrough bleeding in between menstrual cycles, which I honestly didn’t think anything of it because my cycle wasn’t the most reliable thing. My doctor found out that my cervix was severely inflamed and that I had a small tear in the bottom of my uterus. There was nothing that could be done for my cervix aside from a hysterectomy and she believed my uterus would “fix itself”. So she gave me a round of antibiotics to see if it would maybe help with my cervix any. A month or so later I went back for a follow-up appointment and was told my cervix was in fact still severely inflammed but that my uterus had healed because the tear was gone.
I then started on Chlomid, which is a fertility medication for anyone that does not know. This was supposed to help, obviously with getting pregnant, but more specifically it was supposed to help with getting his little swimmers past my cervix so that I actually had a chance at getting pregnant. I had 6 failed rounds of chlomid so she suggested I go see an actual fertility doctor. So that night I talked it over with my husband and we decided it was time to put the baby making on the back burner again. We just weren’t able to fork out the kind of money we’d need to go through more intense fertility treatments.
In 2016 we finally decided it was time to go see the fertility doctor. I was then started on two different oral medications in hopes that after a few rounds, those would have helped get me pregnant. If not, our next step was a series of injections. I was quickly giving up as month after month passed with no results. It was November 2016 when I had enough. Fertility treatment was just bring more and more disappointment and heartbreak. I was a b**** on the medication because it really messed with my hormones and that alone was affecting my family and my marriage. I told my husband that I’d go to my final pregnancy check with my fertility doctor and that would be it. No more medication. No more fertility treatments of any kind. I just couldn’t take the heartbreak any longer.
I arrived at my appointment thinking that this was the end. I was going to get more negative news and that was it. No more. I’d leave heartbroken again. But to my surprise, I was indeed PREGNANT! Excitement filled me. It finally happened! We are finally going to be able to grow our family by two more tiny little feet! My doctor took me back to do a ultasound next; and that is when the biggest surprise of all happened. I was not only pregnant, but I was pregnant with TWINS! This time shock filled me. Twins? How? What? I had no idea how to react. No idea what to say. Of course I was thrilled, we had been trying so long it was great that all our effort was now doubly blessed! But how the heck was I going to make it through a twin pregnancy?
As you know, I made it. I made it through a difficult twin pregnancy and was blessed with TWO beautiful baby girls. Lily May and Paisley Grace. They are the two biggest blessings after such a very difficult road of infertility.
Three girls. Three beautiful, intelligent, quirky little girls. Three little girls who’ve blessed the lives of my husband and I and all those around us. Watching them grow up and experience life with them has been such an amazing journey so far; and I honestly cannot wait to see what the future holds for each one of them!
Beautifully Chaotic 